Welcome September! How are your children getting on? It’s most likely that they are now in full swing of new classrooms and settings, with new faces, new activities and new places all thrown in. It’s a lot for adults to change routine, so our youngest folk must be feeling it. If they’re settled and happy, we’re thrilled for you - though we are fully aware that not all children will find the change an easy one. In this post we’ll share our best advice for supporting your children, if they are finding transition changes tricky.
New places
Some of the most challenging transitions are moving from one setting to another. If your child has started nursery for the first time, having been at home previously, are starting school for the first time, or are moving to a new school, this is all big stuff. Imagine starting a new job, but everyone else was also new! What a ride!
Many parents report children being more tearful, fretful, easily upset and also easily angered in this phase of life, and understandably so. Negotiating a new space all day, away from familiar spaces and faces, often leads to emotional outbursts at the end of the day once children return to their safe space. Neurodiverse children may well mask during the day and let everything out on their return (even neurotypical children may do this too).
The best way to manage big emotions, initially, is expecting them, and alongside this, offering plenty of opportunity for blowing off steam for your child, however that looks. Some children need lots of physical input, moving around to get hard feelings out. Other children crave quiet spaces where they can regulate. Some will want connection with you, if you have capacity, while others want to be alone. You’ll know what best suits your child. If younger or older siblings are around, it might be worth trying to find a space where your child has their own needs met (an overtired 5 year old that wants quiet plus a wild toddler who wants to shout do not go very well together!).
New faces
Alongside changes to locations, even moving rooms and classes may upskittle the most confident child. If your child is in a one form entry school (one class per year group) they may find that their peers remain the same - while two-form and above entry schools may see not just new staff, but new classmates. This is all a lot to deal with. A great place to start, to support children, is to talk about new faces before they enter a new setting. If this isn’t possible, why not draw pictures of your child’s class and new teachers? This could give your child a chance to process changes without needing to verbally explain themselves (as any parent will tell you, ‘how was your day’ usually gets a vague response!).
Keep sharing lots (but expect little!)
It’s really important to keep dialogues open with your children, so that they know they can always talk to you about how school is going, and how they are feeling. That being said, veteran parents will quickly tell you that open ended questions asked at 4pm like ‘did you make any friends’ or ‘what did you do today’ usually come with a vague response, or none at all. Typically children are far too worn out, and often, overwhelmed, from a day full of newness, to properly articulate everything going on in their heads. Just think - if you have a busy day of work with non-stop changes, could you answer a question summarising everything you’ve done that day and package it effectively? Probably not. Expecting a child to do this is usually going to end in frustration on both sides.
Instead, try working on some parallel play activities. Build blocks together, draw together, maybe even watch a favourite show together, and see if you can draw out any explorations of their day. Mimic school, connect a character with a teacher or friend, or simply leave it be. Signal to your child that you’re here when they’re ready to share, and if they’re never ready to share.
Look after yourself
Supporting little folk with big feelings takes a lot out of anyone, even adults. Do what you can to regulate yourself (easier said than done), and be gentle with you. The calmer you can be with yourself, the more you can pass it on to your children. Good luck!
